The past few weeks I have been working my way through a few interesting business/life books and, as a result, find myself constantly thinking about Character. I haven’t completely figured out why my mind seems to be obsessing over this personal trait yet, but I imagine it has a lot to do with either the presence, or distinct lack, of character as a running theme throughout each of the books.

Rather than fiddle with where my character-nag is coming from, let’s call it an extremely important aspect of what defines an individual and move forward…

So what is character and why does it matter in relation to raising kids? Let’s start with a few definitions of the word as it pertains to an individual:

• “Quality: a characteristic property that defines the apparent individual nature of something”
• “The inherent complex of attributes that determine a person’s moral and ethical actions and reactions”
• “The aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing”
• “Moral or ethical quality”
• “Qualities of honesty, courage, or the like; integrity”
• “Reputation”

…nothing heavy there, just a few light and casual definitions…

If you are like me, you look at the above list of definitions, get a positive jolt from meandering through them (who wouldn’t sit up more straight and with increased purpose and confidence when reading words such as honesty, courage and integrity?), and then abruptly find your eyebrows furrowed as you realize that as high of a standard you may have for your own character, you probably have the feeling that you might be falling just shy of your ambition.

I would imagine like to think that everyone strives to conduct themselves with honesty and integrity, including myself, but I am not sure how many people actually think they achieve such goals, let alone actually do so consistently over the course of their lives. Strong character takes work — a lot of it. It takes persistence, strength, humility, kindness, wisdom, firm and just morals, and a heck of a lot of other things that sound so overwhelmingly good.

So, if it takes so much work, and requires such consistency and perfection, why bother trying to have any kind of character at all? Why not just be a selfish poopie blob with no cares? Cut a few corners, tell a few white lies, consider only your own feelings and needs… Get Yours. Right?

Not a chance. Not when it is just you in the world, and the thought should never enter your mind if you are a parent. There are few things of greater importance when you are a parent than striving for strong, if not perfect character. I’m a bit of a stickler and expect all individuals (children or not, young or old, married or single, etc.) to strive for a strong character, but am also humbled by the fact that I can’t expect things of others that I fail to achieve.

Therein lies the key. If you are a parent, and you agree that developing character in your children is not just important, but critical to who they are and who they will become, then you have a responsibility to take a long hard look at your own actions and motives every day. Character development in your children begins and ends with you as a parent.

Teachers, friends, TV, society, etc. can all have an impact on your child, but only relative to the strength of your guidance and presence in your child’s life as a role model. What’s interesting, and perhaps a little disturbing, is that you don’t really have to do anything at all to get your children to look up to you — they look up to you until you give them enough reasons not to.

In other words, you are given a lot of credibility and power as a parent the moment your child comes into the world (parse that as birth or conception — I prefer and choose the latter). You can either strive to be and become the strongest role model in their lives, or through a series of significant missteps, or complete lack of effort, be subjugated to a lesser role model status by your child below Barney, Grand Theft Auto, Mr. Higglebottom the soccer coach, their friends, etc. Whatever influences are at the top of that list will be where your child looks to for guidance regarding character. Don’t be surprised by who they become if they are not looking to you for those answers.